The last two and a half weeks have been the most heartbreaking of our lives. Our dear friends Amy and Erik lost their four year old son Finn on November 7. How a simple diagnosis of croup could turn into such a nightmare has been hard to understand. Amy and Erik truly amaze me, in a time of such heartache and sorrow they thought of others and chose to make Finn an organ donor. Finn will live on in not only our hearts and memories but in the lives of the four recipients as well as their families and friends. 

I have struggled with many questions the last few weeks. I understand that God did not cause this to happen and he never promised that we would not live in a harsh world. He promised to be with us through it all, though there have been times that I have felt very angry and alone. To try to deal with these feelings I have decided to start a blessings journal. I plan to write down the things that I am thankful for and the blessings that are in my life. When the bad days happen I will be able to look back and see God’s presence in our life and remember that He is there even when we don’t feel His presence.

It has been a challenge to look forward to this holiday season. It feels very strange that life is moving forward when so many people are feeling such sadness and pain.  I follow a blog of Caitlyn Littrell, who is a young mother and wife who is fighting breast cancer. She recently lost her mother to breast cancer and posted about preparing for the first Christmas without her mom.  She stated in her blog “The story of baby Jesus is so much more than the simple "Away in a Manger" we've grown up on.  This was a huge step in God's battle against death.  By sending his son in the form of a baby, he put the Easter story into motion and rang the victory gong against separation between him and his creation.” She then goes on to say “Paul reminds us to encourage each other with the reminder that we will be together with those who have died, and "we will be with the Lord forever" (1 Thessalonians 4:17).  This hope helps us to heal.  So remember that this Christmas is a celebration of God's plan that began the journey in which I get to see my mother again, in which we all have the gift of eternal life if we will but accept it and in which we have been granted access to God who can handle whatever we throw at him in our grief.  And He will literally wrap his arms around us as the winds of pain tear at our hearts.”  During this Christmas season I am going to focus on “the promise that came wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger” and that we will get to be with sweet Finn again.

We went home to Klamath to be with our families and friends during this difficult time. We wanted and needed to be with the Nobel’s and Hathaway’s and be able to attend Finn’s celebration of life. As tough as this time was it was a reminder of how important our families and friends are. My first entry in my blessing journal will be how lucky we are to be surrounded by such wonderful and loving people. Not everyone is lucky to have such an amazing group that can be truly called family.

One of my favorite pictures of sweet Finn. I love his smile and that you can still see his rosy red cheeks even though the picture is black and white.

Medicine Lake after Finn's ashes were scattered.

An amazing group of people that I consider family. I love that Jens, Finn's big brother, is in the middle of the picture surrounded by everyone.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween was a lot of fun this year. Owen was very excited about his costume and to go Trick or Treating. He still loved answering the door and handing out candy. I would love to know how he decided how much candy to hand out. Some kids only got one piece and others got a handful. Unfortunately, we didn't get many kids at our house. The block that we live on is a little more quiet and it seems like most of the kids stay on the other side of School St. Thankfully the weather was beautiful, cold but beautiful. We had some strong winds from Hurricane Sandy but they seemed to diminish by the afternoon. 

Carving pumpkins

Owen wanted to T-Rex and a Stegasaurus

Owen drew the faces on the tall pumpkin and the littlest pumpkin then we carved them. I think he did a great job!

He was so excited to be a T-Rex. I think he will be wearing this around the house all winter!

"ROAR"

Dinosaurs and Popcorn, two of my favorite things!

Our first house.

Owen and Brian returning from trick or treating. Claire and I went around our little block with them but it was a little to cold for her, so we returned home to hand out candy while Brian and Owen finished trick or treating.

Owen's "Loot".  He had a few pieces of candy that night but had completely forgot about it by the next morning. I realize that we won't be so lucky next year!

It seems like we are getting into a good routine and are really settling into life as a family of 4. Owen just started another session of Art Class, which he loves. I have been going to a Mom's Bible Study at our church which has been really nice. It has been great to get to know other stay at home moms and meet more church members. Kayla, our babysitter, has been coming one morning a week to watch Owen for a few hours. We started using her this summer so that Owen would not have to go to all of my doctors appointments and it has worked out so well that we decided to continue using her. Owen absolutely loves when she comes and it is nice to not have to take Owen to appointments Claire or I might have, grocery shopping or to stand in line to vote next week.

Claire is doing really well. She is really starting to be more awake during the day and it has been fun watching her personality start to develope. She is starting to smile and is working really hard at learing to coo and talk. It is so fun to have her smile when she looks at us and to hear the stories that she has to tell.  She is doing a great job sleeping at night. She usually goes down between 11 and 12 and usually gives me a 3-4 hour stretch before she wakes up to nurse. We are usually up for about an hour and then she will sleep for another 2 before we are up with Owen for the day. I am so thankful that she is giving me that much sleep!

Owen is a funny little boy. We are constantly playing dinosaurs. Every game seems to revolve around a dinosaur activity. We are building nests or houses for them with wooden blocks, feeding them nuts and trees with the Lincoln Logs, driving them on tractors to pumpkin patches or bigs ponds. Owen usually announces "I have an idea"then tells us how to play.  His favorite "idea" is for him to turn into a t-rex and stomp down the stairs while Brian or I play with his dinosaurs. He then usually comes and knocks them all over... boys! 

Classic Owenism that happened tonight at dinner:

"Here's your water Momma" as he is passing me my big Starbucks water cup that is empty.

"It's empty"

"I drank it all"

"Its in my tummy" :) I love the things that he comes up with.

Brian and I are doing well. He has been able to hire a few new people to his team which will be able to help lessen his work load once they are fully trained. Hopefully he won't have to be putting in so many late nights in the future.  He has also playing in a Wednesday night basketball league which is fun. Today was a big day for me as I packed up all of my maternity clothes. I am so excited to wear jeans with buttons and zippers again. I also was able to clean off the treadmill. My goal is to take the kids down to the basement in the afternoons and get a walk in. Owen loves playing with the toys in the basement and I can wear Claire in the ergo carrier. I would really like to start losing weight, so I hope by posting that here it will provide me with a little more motivation! :)

We will leave you with a few pictures.... 

Owen was a big help raking leaves....

Until he decided to shovel the pile on his slide... :)

This is a picture of the waves hitting the north pier on Lake Michigan that our newspaper took. We got a lot of wind from Sandy and it was amazing how high the waves were. It looked and sounded like the Oregon Coast. The only thing missing was the briny ocean smell...

Claire having some tummy time. She is doing a good job lifting her head. She can lift it quite a bit higher, I just was not able to catch it on camera.

Claire found her fingers. Maybe she would like them better than a paci....

Talking on the phone to Grammy. She got really quiet and still then started to smile and coo.

I love how big her hair gets after her bath. It stands straight up! It will be interesting to see what happens with it. So far she was not lost any, she doesn't even have a bald spot on the back of her head  yet. I never lost my hair when I was a baby so I am hopeful she will be the same.

I just love those chubby little fingers.  :)

Go Beavs! Thanks to Auntie Steph for sending this!  I love that you can see her dimples in this one.